At my lowest state..

I might have freaked him out this afternoon…

I don’t know why I acted like that. It’s not so me. I was able to lower myself that LOW.  Pain and agony drove me insane. He didn’t give me a chance to repay all the kindness, to create every sweet moment like it is the last time. He secretly hide this from me. He done all he could to make our last moment count, and made me happy beyond everything.

He gave all the happiness that I could never imagine. But never give me a chance to pay him back. That’s what I regret the most.

You crush me now…

Acil, why? why didn’t you tell me. So I can prepare too.

Do you really know what Asperger really is?


Call me an idiot.

Asperger has become a more common word nowadays, huh? But I really have no idea what it’s all about. As I can recall, I once searched for its definition in Google. But 5 minutes later, all of the definitions I got just went away.

This post has educated me about Asperger more than anything I read before. The writer’s post shows clearly that Asperger is not a intellectual disability. I have to admit, before now, I associated Asperger with some kind of intellectual disability. Oh yes, I’ve told you to call me an idiot in the first line of this blog, haven’t I?

Anyone, I mean anyone should spend a couple of minutes to read her post.

Originally posted on Pensive Aspie:


When I think about my Asperger’s, I rarely think of it as a disability.  Most of the time, I don’t feel disabled.  I’m definitely differently abled.  There are weaknesses, but there are strengths too. I choose to focus on my strengths and work on my weaknesses.  Even though I prefer not to look at myself as disabled, there are things that friends, coworkers, and family members do that make me feel disabled and incompetent.

You don’t recognize that my body language is almost incapable of lying.

With practice, I have learned the art of conversation. Time has taught me that people really only want others to agree with them.  I can find a way to avoid hurting your feelings by complimenting your ugly dress without lying when you ask “Don’t you just love it?”  I can reply truthfully “That orange color is so bright and perky!” (Yes. The color…

View original 1,656 more words

The Art of Moving On

I’ve been a curious person all my life. Bukan kepo loh ya…

it’s never been easy for people around me to make me stay away from something I’ve been eyeing. Nothing stops me, usually. Obsessed.. that’s the word. I almost got obsessed to anything instantly. It’s even too embarrassing for me to list my obsessions (too many and some of them are ridiculous). And the good news is I’m easily turned off by my own obsession, as well.

How is that? The key is trying. 

For me, the only way to appease my obsession is give it a try. Whatever it is. 

“Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.”  – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

That’s very much true. Curiosity kills. So, in order to not getting killed by my own curiosity, I kill it first by trying. From what I experienced so far, it’s easier for me to move on that way.

When I fail to make myself trying, the curiosity haunts me days and nights. It’s very unpleasant feeling. Totally nerve racking!



Give it a try! Give it a whirl!


I’m grateful for not having something called religion

It might be true that religion is not more than superstitious rubbish. It is passionate, irrational, and messy. It’s dogmatic, which I really detest.

This can’t be funnier, on the surface, people are trying to eliminate discrimination here & there, but the religion they worship, keep discriminating human being all the time. I’m grateful to know Buddhism Philosophy in my early life because I’m relieved that I don’t have to label myself with a particular religion to claim my place in heaven. That’s a wisdom!

AHA! This may be a quite radical post. Back then, I’m someone who don’t really like to express my feeling or opinion about religion stuff . It’s a sensitive topic for some people as we all know.  For me? It’s not. I don’t give a damn about your religion or my religion. I don’t even think I have a religion, because Buddhism is not a religion. It is a philosophy, a way of life, a wisdom. But I think, I don’t want to keep it for myself anymore. So I pour my disappointment over some religions (at least, some of the most popular in my country) here. I don’t need to mention which religions. Just keep it for yourself if you think you know which religions I’m talking about. You are free to read my thought here but remember, I don’t need someone to “enlighten” me or even “fix” me.  Keep your religious comment for your self or for your mother.

I just read a comment of an article from CNN. It really struck me.

Just look at history, there have been tons of Buddhist nations that have engaged in wars, but never for the sake of Buddhism itself. Only for the sake of greed, hatred, jealousy etc…which is universal to all human beings irrespective of religion.

I have no objection for this comment, not in the slightest. I even want to broadcast it to the world.

It occurred to me, why some religions have to bring their God in this situation. Why their God should be a reason for them to justify violence and brutality? Why can’t they separate the politic, power, and jealousy with religion? In my primitive brain, I think, a religion should be something that keep people sane, tamed, and civilized. But why in the world religion has become something that triggers warfare, horror, and grief?

I know I can’t generalize everyone based on their religion. There are so many wonderful people out there regardless what their religions are.

It’s big big question for me. Why? WHY and WHY?

Some people will say,

“It’s not about the religion, but it’s the human! ”

“My religion has never taught me to slaughter people, so it’s the people to blame. Not the religion”

“Bla bla bla bla”

I know. I know. That’s the classic answer.  But after long observation, I have my own theory. I know this really well because I experienced it.

Answer this. How can people with particular religion be less discriminating when their religion itself has discriminated human being from ancient time?

Some religions has judged that there’s no place for other religion in heaven up there.  Of course the words is not exactly like that.  You can make your own sentence. It’s just one example, of course there are more.

Let me laugh. HAHAHA. It’s just ridiculous! We are all the same, we are human, we are one species. How can we deserve to be treated differently in this universe just because what God we believe not based on what we do or how we live? How can you make me believe that I can’t hope to be in heaven when I die just because I don’t worship your so-called God? That’s a dogma that attaches in some religions I’m familiar with. That dogma grows robustly in the deepest place of their heart. But on the surface, they try to be more civilized by not touching that button. And unfortunately, a group of people has taken that dogma way too far.

Long story short, all I want to say is the dogma that has been planted by some religions is the real culprit. It has led some stupid and insane people to the darkest road. Wake up! There’s something called universal law in this universe. It’s fair and square, regardless your color, race, or what God you believe. How beautiful is that, huh?

I know I can change nothing. But I’m happy I’m finally be able to produce my own theory today. The validity is pretty much questioned, though. Hehe.

I’m growing Aloe Vera

Hey, what’s up?

Haha, I’ve abandoned this so-called blog for a long time. I will not even make a tiny excuse. My absence has nothing to do with my busyness. In fact, I’ve never been a really busy person, at least I feel that way. Don’t I have any activity to do? Sure I have. But I never think that I’m busy no matter how tight my schedule sometimes, hehe.

I really love WP’s new interface, so slick, simple, minimal, and so me! And hey, there are some new features recently. Account recovery via mobile phone, changing my username… waw. Finally I can change my username. My old username was imagehouse. Lol. What an ugly name for a blog username. The reason why I used that for my username is because I used WP to store some cute emoticon I frequently used in forum. But I found that was so not convenient, so I didn’t continue to use it. And to make it even more useless, I password protected every post, LOL! Don’t ask me why.

3-20-2013 4-51-40 PM

And you can’t imagine how grateful I am to be able change my username now. I just changed it a couple minutes ago. It said that I cannot change my username again in the future, but the feature didn’t disappear after I changed my username. So I guess, I still can change my username in the future. Hehe

Nah, the next renovation I did to my blog is I changed the theme! WOOHOO!!! I realized how dark and gloomy the theme I chose previously. But, I’m in a good and bright mood recently. So I decided to pick something cute, cheerful, and playful. At the first glance, chalkboard theme looked so cute. But my only disappointment is the color. BLACK. Come on, man, playful and cheerful theme using black color? It’s hard to pull it off . But since I don’t intend to spend some money to customized my blog appearance, I had to search another theme that suits my mood now.  TADA. Crafty theme. Hehe.. I always like pastel color.

Okay, actually it’s not what I want to blog about. After contemplating for so long thinking about what I want to write in my blog, finally I’m so happy I read this blog post at the right time. As the blog suggests, I want to tell you about my amazing aloe vera! I don’t have amazing cat. I just have two brainless and untameable dogs. How I wish Cesar Milan would give me a visit someday. Since my two dogs are not-so-amazing dogs, I prefer to talk about my newly adopted aloe vera. Yea.. I got this for free!


I always have a desire to have some a garden or beatutiful backyard with many fruit trees or, at least, potted fruit trees I can harvest all year long. This has been my dream for so long and yet still not been realized.  But. it never occurred to me that one day I’ll take care an aloe vera plant. Why would I have this spiky plant? To harvest it all year long? Sure I can do that. But I want fruits, sweet and watery fruit to be exact. I completely forgot why finally I wanted to have this plant at the first place.

When I was kid, my mom used its gel to nourish my hair because my hair growth was very slow back then. At 3 y.o, I only had a few strands of hair. I think someone really can quickly count how many strands I had. And let’s fast forward to ten years later. At my teenage year, I was known for a girl with a  very thick hair. I don’t know if it was because the magic of aloe vera or finally my hair found its way to grow robustly on my scalp. I had no hesitation to compare my hair with lion’s hair at that time. It was something my mom was really proud of.

But in my twenty something, my hair starts to fall like crazy. My mother always complains about my hair when I’m home. She can’t keep her house free from my hair no matter how many times she cleans the floor. Helloo mom, I never ask my hair to fall voluntarily at home. Sigh.

Long story short, I want my lion hair back! And I choose natural and cheap way first over chemical treatment that would cost me an arm and a leg. So I have to take care of this plant until it’s stable enough to produce more leaves for me. Hehe. I hope this plant won’t break my heart in the future. In the past, I’ve failed growing a cactus. CACTUS! It was rotten.  :(

I do really believe patience and perseverance will pay off. It’s still a long journey, though.

My patience is really short, but really, I start to think about to slow down, take a breath, be patient, because it’s good for my tired soul. I’ve never been a patient person my whole life. I always rush things, everything. I can’t and I don’t want to wait. It has to be now!  It’s now or never! Haha. That’s my motto. And it led me successfully to many failures.

Okay, hopefully I have a good news about this aloe vera in the next 2-3 months.